Tuesday, October 4, 2011

::The Endless::

  We assume the human mind is kinetic. That in our skulls all the electric matter within are profundities with potential beyond measure. We use very little of our actual brains but somehow in that limited territory we are engrossed. The proverbial wheels turn, and like a hamster we dive deep to run the wheel. Following cycles and cyclical experiences because that is what we know. We leave situations and are attracted to ones very similar, or we do the reverse and look for anything and everything but what and where we last were.
   In our minds the self that exists is fluid. We know who we are but constantly war against it. We want to be very similar to what we see as appealing to us, or we do the reverse and look for anything and everything but who we are. The heart, in the metaphorical sense is the arena we credit with our fuller humanity. The softer curves of being are tempered by goodwill and love. It is the metaphoric seat of the soul and of emotions. I never realized how endless emotions really are. This endlessness is a capacity. The capacity to freeze time. To freeze life. To freeze one's love. I never really knew how endless feelings were until I promised myself I would keep so many open ended. Most days the dream is enough. Most days the little bits of conversation and touch are fuel enough to steel my wool. To propel me forward.
  Today is not one of those days. The heart does ache. The body does want. The hours do turn. Waiting a minute is brief. Waiting a day is like breathing each one will pass over and over and over again. But some moments the endlessness surrounds all the corners of the room like bars. The walls begin to whisper as the chest tightens. In this place right now I feel it. The moment. The moment I can almost not make it through because I know human beings aren't endless. We are here and we are gone in seconds. I can promise a year, and perhaps it will be just like breathing. The time will just rise and fall away unnoticed.
   I can promise forever, but I can't freeze my circumstance. I have very little claim on the territory I operate from. Today I know who you really are. Today I know what I really want. The heart clicks and clamps like a jaw that's sticking. I flex it, breathe into it and release the endlessness. I can be a forever but I can't make it last for two, and so forever gets shorter everyday. The shadows grow taller and I let myself climb the shade trees to the light. Love blind sure, but not forever. It's the moment that seems hard to get through when I know where you are and what you choose. I roll out of my cycle and look for the light at the horizon. I'm love blind sure, but not forever.

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